It’s difficult for many lawyers, especially young lawyers, to figure out how to balance life and practice. It is easier to talk about how to build a law practice than it is keep a balanced life. What follows is good advice I’ve come across or learned the hard way for doing both at the same time.

TAKE TIME TO LIVE WITH INTENTION

Some people have decided they will leave time for family and friends when they have retired. But if you don’t approach life in a balanced way, you may find yourself divorced and your kids estranged long before you retire. Not every day will be balanced, but even on those days, you can have a quality conversation and a quality connection with another human being even if it’s a short one. As others have said, “Never get so busy making a living that you forget to make a life.”

Nigel Marsh was a corporate lawyer for years, eating too much, drinking too much, working too much, neglecting his family and loved ones. The book he wrote: Fat, Forty and Fired. His point: If you don’t design your life for yourself, someone else will; don’t leave the quality of your life in the hands of your employer. Taking time to nurture yourself, to keep yourself happy and healthy, is a key to a successful life. I recommend you make a list of the things that make you happy and make sure you do a least one thing on that list every day. Stephen Covey, one of today’s best-known productivity gurus (The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People), reminds us, “The key is not to prioritize what’s on your schedule, but to schedule your priorities.” This requires that we think carefully about what is part of our formula for success and happiness.

Others suggest that we should think about spending our time in the same manner that we think about spending our money: you don’t throw money away, so don’t throw your time away. And William Arthur Ward reminds us that through all this balancing, “A well-developed sense of humor is the pole that balances your steps as you walk the tightrope of life.”

MAKE YOUR WORK AS PLEASURABLE AS POSSIBLE

As a famous politician said, “If you are interested in balancing work and pleasure, stop trying to balance them. Instead, make your work more pleasurable.” While I obviously think balance is important, it is still good advice to make your work more pleasurable. Look for cases that will make you happy, cases where you can make a significant difference in someone’s life. Your ability to say “no” will keep you sane. The way to build your practice is not with more cases, but with fewer and better cases.

It’s hard to decline a case when a prospective client is begging you to take it. But your time and energy are scarce resources, and to do a great job on all your cases, you must be selective. For example, a difficult case with uncertain damages is likely to remain that way no matter how much time, energy, and creativity you put into it. To build a law practice, we must dedicate ourselves to putting the time, energy and resources into any case we have chosen to handle. Make sure they are the right ones.

The time, energy and resources, at least for litigators, come down to spending lots of time doing research, reviewing thousands of pages of documents, preparing trial briefs, cross-examination outlines, and figuring out the proper strategies to maximize our client’s recovery. This can make practicing law a lonely occupation. One antidote is to spend more time with witnesses and clients. You should be doing this anyway to fully understand all aspects of the case at hand. And it helps put a human face on the process.

Another antidote is to use lunch and dinner as “hi” time—as in “human interaction.” Lunches with colleagues, law-school classmates, friends, and associates are a great way to keep you connected to people, as well as to build your practice. Of course, if you have a family, having dinner with your children is one of the most important gifts you can give your kids.

BE YOURSELF

The great trial lawyer Gerry Spence has an excellent book entitled, Win Your Case. He says that, “The ‘lesson of the thumbs’ must be followed.” Look at your thumbs and you will see that they each have a thumbprint different from any other thumbprint in the world. In fact, different from any print of any human being who has ever walked the face of the earth and distinct from any print of any person who will ever grace this earth again. Our very essence as persons or souls is also unique among all other living human beings. Do not try to imitate other lawyers. Be yourself. A lawyer’s power in the courtroom emerges from his or her uniqueness. Spence’s advice: “Do not suffer from the plague of sameness that has stricken us all so that we dare not walk out our front doors without checking to see that we will be accepted into the bleating herd.”

LISTEN TO OTHERS

One simple tip to build your practice is to focus on listening skills. Listening to others is an essential skill for trial lawyers as well as parents. I heartily recommend a bestselling book entitled How to Talk So Kids Will Listen and Listen So Kids Will Talk by Adele Faber and Elaine Mazlish.

DON’T BE QUICK TO JUDGE—FOCUS ON THE HEART INSTEAD

We lawyers have our own methods of solving problems, of speaking with clients, of dealing with adversaries. We are quick to argue, quick to cross-examine. Law school was all about logic, facts, and the application of law to facts. But as a human being, our successes must also depend on our ability to understand and fully appreciate emotions—not only of those with whom we come in contact, but also our own. Our heart is our key asset in work and in the rest of our lives.

BE PRESENT

Work hard, play hard. When you are working, be focused, efficient and “all in.” When relaxing with family and friends, take the time to truly unwind and enjoy the moment. When I think of some of the special moments I have enjoyed in my lifetime, I think of special times with family, friends, coworkers and clients. Some of my favorite moments as a parent have been the nightly ritual of getting the kids ready for bed. Bath time, followed by story time, were the highlights of my day. I did whatever I could to be there for those special moments. When you’re with your kids, don’t just be there physically, be there mentally. Your children can tell instantly when you are fully attentive and when you’re not. So can most adults (see “Listen to Others,” above). And of course, make the time to be present for all your relationships. No one on their deathbed ever said, “I wish I had spent more time in the office.”

TEN (OR SO) TIPS

1. Don’t cross-examine your loved ones: C.C.P. section 776 does not apply.
2. Recharge your batteries regularly.
3. Build your lifestyle into your practice.
4. Look for the admirable traits in your clients and your loved ones.
5. Schedule your real life, not just your work life.
6. Learn something new every day.
7. Show gratitude every day.
8. Turn off your cell phone and computer to be present with your loved ones.
9. Don’t expect to be “balanced” daily; some days are unusually demanding.
10. Be a better listener daily.
11. Find your fun, and find time to enjoy your fun.